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"Since all this publicity blew up, I had cancer in 2001 and got a breast lopped off.

She chuckles at the recollection of a young woman who claimed to have accidentally stabbed her boyfriend to death with a breadknife – apparently, his mother was accidentally tied to a chair in another room. It's the Marquis de Sade meets Mills and Boon."Beaton is well qualified to comment. "Just to take time out: 'Stop the world, I want to get off.'"Beaton counterbalances this unnerving expression of escape with her enduring love of literature: she names Muriel Spark, Ian Fleming and Rosamund Lehman as particular favourites.Both are sliced to order in crumbling, glistening slivers direct from huge slabs of brisket, kept warm in gentle, steam-filled ovens.